How Inclusive are we?

When I studied theology at the Vancouver School of Theology, the contemporary Political correct ethos of our present day made us discuss "inclusion". The question was, if we are inclusive then who are we excluding?

In the United Church of Canada, a liberal progressive church which supports and ordains gays and lesbians and speaks openly of being prosame- sex marriage, I suffered under a lesbian supervisor. She did not see the well meaning me, the gay HIV postive me. She saw a bearded bald middle aged man and that was enough for her to act towards me from her place of woundedness and internalized homophobia. For my part, I was in victim mode trying to understand what my ministry would look like as a gay HIV positive minister? I looked to my supervisor, who quite honestly, told me "she could not help me." I understand now, even though I worked my way through hurt, pain and anger. I am left with the observation that the United Church with its lay committees and councils was sorefully inadequate to help me. In the end, I felt like I was turned away, unsupported and not their problem. It was all my fault!

My problem wasn't that I was Gay, or even that I was HIV positive and it was that I was open and honest about it. In the end, I felt "excluded." So again, I ask when a group say, they are inclusive, who are they excluding? The lesson is no one person outside of me is able to take responsibilty or in the end give me the confidence to believe in myself. The in-dwelling spirit is the only source of knowledge and responsibilty and then it can be reflected in those around you.

Over the last year or so, I practiced being a radical faerie. In this context, I discovered that in building what I needed for a safe, nurturing and inclusive community; I needed to challenge myself to be open to women who might want to be faeries. Interesting enough, there have not been any women who wanted to be radical faeries in Vancouver; at least, I have not met them at faerie coffee. Then a delightful and radiant spirit of a Queer late twenties adult showed me in his wisdom how as gay and bisexual men the vancouver radical faeries perpetuate an exclusion of women that pays tribute to the Shaughnessy Heights Tennis club. Male woundedness not only keeps us from relating well to one another, but I am aware of my own woundedness in the way I relate to some women and others. But I want to face my insecurities now and I want a safe place to be suppported in my quest for healing community.

At 47, I may be too old to really heal as much as I would like to in a queer space. Is it possible that as an older gay man, I am doomed to repeat the exclusion and miscogyny of my culture? I know I cannot change others, but I do know I have control over who I include in my life and who I exclude. While I am most certainly discerning, I hope it is in matters of character and integrity and authenticity and not on what someone does with their genitials or whether or not they fit into my gender constructs. I hope my young spirit friend does not lose hope and continues to urge my generation to hear the wisdom in his voice. I know his voice is my voice.......

Blessings the faerieshaman