Sex , Intimacy, and Crystal Meth

I wonder if we as gay men have created self-determined limits or walls on our journey to self-definition? Have we as gay persons transformed and re-seeded the limits of our early social formation into the fertile ground of our present "being"? Many of us have grown up to feel "we are not worthy" and "or not good enough!"

Our personal realities may have become as rigid as the early life that formed our rebellion? I know, in my case, gay sex was the marker of my difference. I revelled in it! I still love it! But it was an obstacle in my path that did not enable me to find intimacy. Now I am older, my experience has shown me gay sex is so much more sacred, intimate and connecting. Sex is great, but not necesssarily an end in itself. Although I may choose to "share the sex" and stop short of the intimacy, I know I have a choice. Awareness is so important. When I choose just the sex, am I telling myself, "Am I not deserving or worthy of intimacy?" Or am I saying to myself, no one could really love me if they "really knew me."

Believe me, you are not the only one who has felt this way. But you are worthy, you are deserving and, best of all, when you are willing to find a safe place to really risk being yourself, you will have a greater opportunity to know there are others. You will find this is an act of love and there are some persons who will love you back.

In a discussion on addiction, substance abuse in the gay community came up. I read and agreed with an idea that as people who enjoy "being joyful about who we are," and liking to "follow our bliss" we sometimes get stuck. Ancient cultures had their substances to create their alternate visions and experiences, but it was about bringing it back to the community. Sex is a path and so might the use of substances, but it is self-limiting to get hung up or stuck on. How do we encourage each other to go beyond the sex and find intimacy and, most importantly, how do we empower and encourage brothers to not end up in a cycle of addiction to substances, i.e. crystal meth?

If we lose "ourselves" what else is left? I encourage my gay brothers to please take the challenge of finding "the bliss" by overcoming the fear of intimacy. Find a group in which you may find support for a safe journey. In Vancouver, Gayway is a great place to find or create safe community for our gay-selves.

http://www.gayway.ca/

http://www.gaywired.com/article.cfm?section=9&id=4400

Do not be ashamed if you use or have used crystal meth, but be aware this is often associated with many new cases of HIV infection; also, many have been so intellectually lost by the change of brain chemistry that there is a loss of self. We are all worthy and valuable to one another and to our potential to grow and discover "who we are as persons" and "who we are in community"

Be Blessed.............your faerieshaman